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Excerpts from the upcoming book “Make Better Relationship Choices”


When you are in the trance of unworthiness, you are caught up in stories of why you cannot succeed as well as fears about how you may fail or disappoint. Your experience of life while in this state is totally defined and limited by these fears.

Warning Signs Of Being In The Trance:

  • You embark on numerous self-improvement projects like perpetual dieting or love relationship seminars
  • You compare yourself and your achievements with others
  • You “play to not lose” rather than play to win and risk failure
  • You keep yourself busy all the time
  • You live in a constant state of anxiety and worry
  • You act as your worst critic
  • You focus on other’s shortcomings and faults and blame others

Consequences Of The Trance

The trance is especially intense when you go through painful experiences or feel out of control. The more intense your feeling of inadequacy or unworthiness, the more separated, self-absorbed and vulnerable you feel. This state then leads to further alienation and suffering that takes different forms – from hopelessness and depression to various addictions.

For some it may be an addiction to alcohol, drugs or food. Others feel addicted to their work, certain types of relationships, they may develop a dependence on a particular person or have a need to be constantly surrounded by other people so that they fit in or feel normal.

When you ACCEPT who you are and your present circumstances wholeheartedly, you will feel more grounded and more present. Acceptance of “what is” will set you free.

(read more on this topic in upcoming weeks)

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