I am sure there are a lot of people who are single, unemployed, and broke right now…. If you are not one of these people, I am sure you know someone who is. When you are really trying to find your soul mate and instead getting rejection after rejection or, worse , getting into the wrong relationships, which wear you out and drain your energy instead of uplifting – it is understandable that you just want to “throw in the towel”! When you have a college degree that you worked so hard to obtain and now have to pay back huge loans without a job or any prospects of a job – I bet this can feel very discouraging, especially when your bank account is heading to negative territory.
While all of the above might feel really overwhelming to you, don’t be discouraged!! There are various forces at work in your life that you may not even realize exist. The Good News is that quite often our breakdowns are also our important breakthroughs… The Bad News (just kidding) is that you need to be willing to pause and examine WHAT is happening in your life and HOW you can move forward from here.
Although you may habitually fall into the usual “Why” questions – “Why is it happening to me?”, “Why now?”, “Why can’t I have what she has?”, “Why I am going through this pain?” – these questions are counterproductive to say the least. I believe there is a Reason for things to unfold the way they do and these reasons vary for different people. We all have unique challenges in life because we are all unique! That is why comparing yourself to your girlfriends, your neighbors, classmates or successful “others” are the purest form of self-sabotage!
How does it make you feel when you compare yourself to others? Does comparing yourself inspire you to have a healthier lifestyle, or make more effort in your job search, or save money by making your own meals ?… I doubt it. You feel smaller, less fortunate, less successful and, most of the time, fatter!! (I expect you to have a smile here!!) Yet you still fall into this comparison trap over and over again.
I can hear you saying, “But it’s hard to change!” and I may surprise you by actually agreeing with you – change is Not easy! But your desire to have a joyful and fulfilling life – a family, a meaningful and fulfilling career, financial comfort, and, most importantly, peace of mind, are worth the effort!
YOU Are Important, YOU Are Valuable, YOU Are Capable, and YOU Are Lovable…. If you experience a rejection in your relationship or are going through a break up – don’t cling to your usual “I am not enough…”, I am not “lovable”, “I am not sexy”, “I am not attractive”. It’s NOT ALL about You!! Men go through their own issues – let them deal with their stuff! Often a rejection is a life saver from getting into a wrong relationship out of neediness and loneliness… Learn how to treat yourself as your Best Friend – with patience, love, understanding, and support.
Some of us are fortunate to have this support and affection from external sources – family, friends or coworkers. But you don’t need to rely on others – YOU can feel Love and Appreciation for yourself within…. Have the willingness and courage to let go of relationships and beliefs that don’t serve you…. There are practical ways of bringing positive self-perception and joy back into your life and your body.
When you feel “knocked down” by life’s circumstances or your own negative interpretations of what happened, the energy in your body cannot flow freely. When the energy stagnates, your body and mind become weaker and more vulnerable. You need to release the energy blockages in your body through Movement – dancing, practicing yoga, jogging or walking. Singing and listening to your favorite music helps elevate your spirit and shift your focus to things that bring you joy and peace… Do what brings you Comfort and JOY. Let go of unnecessary and unsupportive distractions.
HONOR what you FEEL!
I am also a big believer in the power of Acceptance. When some difficult stuff happens in your life and you are having a hard time accepting it – you are swimming against the current! Ask yourself: ”Can I change it?” and if your honest answer is Yes – Work feverishly on fixing this challenge in your life. But if you honestly cannot change it on your own – Accept and Have Faith that “No Matter what happens YOU WILL BE OK”.
Remember – You Are NOT Alone! Smile and the Universe will smile back at you… Have the willingness to enjoy life no matter what, to appreciate the simple things in life – the change of seasons, the taste of your favorite food, abiity to see and breathe. Putting things in perspective really helps to Feel Grateful.
At the beginning I mentioned that the constructive questions would be: “What can I do to change my situation?” And “How can I move forward?”
Here are 8 tips for you (not in order of priority) to consider when you decide to shift from the “Why Me?” mindset to “What can I do?” mindset:
1. It’s NOT all about YOU
2. Rejection is often God’s Protection
3. Dating is a game – enjoy!
4. Dating is a numbers’ game – enjoy the process!
5. Accept where you are now and build from there
6. Stop comparing yourself – you are unique for a reason!
7. Have Faith – everything is exactly the way it needs to be for YOU)
8. Be your own best Friend (patient, supportive, kind, and loving)
With Love and Gratitude,