Confession of self-inflicted sufferer
You probably spend a lot of time talking about what you want to do, what you want to have, and how you want to be. While these aspirations might be healthy and are, in the eyes of the world, signs of highly functional being, I invite you to look deeper at your own feelings and reasons for wanting something or someone…
What is your guiding assumption about yourself?
If I was asked this question a few years ago, my honest answer would be: “I am not enough…” For years I struggled to control and fix what felt like “I could do better”, “I could achieve more”, “I could become someone… important.” I drove myself in academics – I kept acquiring new degrees from most prestigious schools; I pursued my ambition in a business world and became an executive for top Fortune 100 companies; I’ve become a successful entrepreneur and a life and business coach; I’ve been loved by family and friends… and yet I still had this unyielding, deep at my core sense of deficiency, insecurity, and unworthiness.
I had an unconscious anguish, a need to prove myself – do more, learn more, give more, be more… I was never enough for myself! I was imprisoned in this invisible and toxic “not enough” inner jail for years, not realizing that I was hunted by my unconscious “not enough” belief about myself…
Years later, when I became yoga and meditation instructor and practitioner, and studied with the great masters and teachers, I realized that acceptance is at the core of spirituality. I slowly, with admitted resistance, began to realize that I am enough just the way I am…
The renowned Zen master Seng-tsan taught that true freedom is being “without anxiety about imperfection.”
This longing – to be kinder to myself, to accept my imperfections, to clear my constant need to do more and be more – drew me to writing a chapter about Relationship with Yourself in my upcoming book Make better choices in regards to your Relationships. I still feel raw and even exposed but I know that by facing this source of my hidden suffering and sharing my experiences with you, I enter a path of healing.
To Your Health, Wealth, and Happiness,
