I was born into a middle-class family. My family heritage is Jewish.
My mother was a librarian, and my father was a military officer in the Soviet Union Army.
I was the firstborn and had a sister five years younger than me.
One of my clearest early memories was when I was six years old…
It was the first time I remember getting a tap on the shoulder from my intuition about what I would later come to call “My Inner Compass.”
I remember thinking, “I want to become a physicist…because I want to know how the Universe works.”
For my entire life, I’ve been fascinated with how various “systems” work, and with understanding how they can work together to make amazing results.
My mother and father lived their lives conforming to everything, just like most people in the USSR.
Their life philosophies were to “NEVER stick your neck out” and “You should be happy with the “Status Quo.” No matter how bad, uncomfortable, or unfair, it may be…
My father was emotionally abusive and distant. I never had a father-daughter relationship with him. He was berating me frequently…no matter how well I did in school – he was constantly telling me:
“You’re not good enough to do that….”
“Why would you think you could do that?”
“You think you know things, but…you don’t!”
“You’re not capable of loving anyone, so how could anyone love you?”
“You’re on your own, and you are going to have to rely on yourself!”
In spite of my home life, at school, I tried to be the best at everything, hoping to get a kind word or a sliver of appreciation and love from my father.
But, no matter what I achieved, I was never good enough in his eyes!
From the time I was a child and all the way through my adulthood, marriage, and the birth of my daughter – I NEVER heard my father say, “I love you.” Or “You did a good job.”
When I decided to leave the USSR, where discrimination, antisemitism, and human rights violations were open government policies, where conformity and submission to the utopia of communism and Lenin / Marx doctrines were required studies in schools and colleges…my father stopped talking to me.
He couldn’t understand why I felt suffocating in the environment that felt “normal” to him…. 6 months after I left the country with my husband and daughter, my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer….
I spend years working on my unexpressed feelings toward him, healing my deep emotional wounds, forgiving what I could not forget.
Did you live in a family that didn’t support you?
What are the subconscious lessons that came from your childhood?
How did your childhood experiences screw up your self-image, your beliefs about what’s possible for you, your relationships, and finances?
To Your Health, Wealth, and Freedom!
P.S. Want to read other stories? Click HERE to download the “BECOMING: Stories About My Journey From Surviving To Thriving”