So, the 2018 is officially over with all the successes, challenges, breakdowns, breakthroughs, changes, and transformations.
It’s a NEW YEAR, a NEW AGE and a NEW PARADIGM!
And as I heard from one spiritual guru recently, the energy of this year is “Seize the day.”
In other words, when opportunity knocks, welcome it and run with it. And if challenges get on your path – don’t panic or curse your luck. Find a way to perceive them as…opportunities in motion. Opportunities to learn, grow, and expand.
This week, I had a privilege to speak to an amazing beautiful 94 years young woman. She has this special spark and charm that is hard to describe in words… One might guess that her life was easy, joyful and fun. Yet it was anything but easy…
During the WWII, she lived under Nazi’s occupation in Lithuania, escaped, became a refugee and lived in different countries before coming to America; was divorced, remarried, then lost her second husband to cancer…
She raised two wonderful daughters as a single mom, learned how to master her money, became an investor, achieved financial independence, and became an amazing painter after leaving her professional career as a chemist.
Her house looks like an art museum… Her many paintings reflect her rocky life journey.
So, I asked her if she could distill all her experiences and wisdom into ONE thing that really matters… ONE thing that helped her overcome enormous obstacles and go through many personal challenges…what would it be?
She looked at me, smiled and said: “The only thing that truly matters is whether you’re happy inside despite your life situations…” Then added softly “I am happy inside.”
“All the time?!”- I asked with some sense of astonishment in my voice.
“NO”, she responded. “Not all the time! About 95% of the time.”
I smiled…
Can it really be THAT simple?
Yes, I believe it can. And it’s a matter of choice.
Today you can choose to focus on problems, react to challenges in your life, compare yourself, and feel powerless and unlucky…
OR
You can choose to focus on solutions, on what “works” in your life.
You can choose to believe that you can do anything.
You can choose to release what no longer serves you.
You can choose to accept your current life situation and thrive for better.
You can choose to love yourself just the way you are, without any need to prove anything to anyone.
You can choose to better yourself and your life through new knowledge and expanded awareness.
You can choose a new way of being.
It does not happen overnight.
It does not happen because it is a New Year.
It happens because you consciously choose every day what you give your attention to, what thoughts you allow to dominate, what words you use, what habits you practice, what boundaries you establish, and how you re-calibrate your feelings.
Be kind and loving to YOU. At least 95% of the time. LOL!
That’s my intention for 2019 in addition to helping as many women as I can to master their money and experience more EASE, PEACE and FREEDOM.
And that’s why I have a question for you.
If you could sit down with me for a cup of coffee, what would YOU want to ask me? What top one or two questions you’d like to ask me?
Just message me or write in the comments below your questions.
To your Health, Wealth and Freedom!
P.S. I’m serious! Go ahead and message me or write in the comments below your questions. What would you ask me?
Do you fight with your partner every time you talk about money?
Or do you have open, candid “money conversations” with your partner?
Or do you avoid talking about money with your partner so you can avoid fights and frustration?
Research has shown that couples that avoid fights about money, often end up having less wealth and not being prepared for a successful retirement.
No one wants to fight, of course. Howevere, money is the #1 thing couples argue about. And you probably heard that fighting about money is often an early predictor of divorce.
So, why would couples get sucked in into the argument about money when it causes so much stress, tension, and destruction?
While nobody wants conflict, avoiding communicating and working through disagreements with your partner can hurt the relationship and put your future financial security at risk.
I’ve met many women who shared their frustration about not being able to “talk money” with their partner in a constructive and candid way.
“I love my husband and don’t want to get into big arguments over money. So, I stopped talking about money with him all together. And now I have my secret money accounts.”
“I was sick of fighting about money. Now we both avoid these conversations.”
“We can’t ever agree when it comes to investing. He does his thing and I do mine.”
While many couples default to “not talking about money”, this solution usually comes back to haunt them.
Here’s why.
Men in a couple tend to have higher confidence and higher appetite for risk than women.
Because men usually have more risky investments and higher balance, women tend to keep substantial amount of cash in case of emergencies. In other words, to balance her husband’s high-risk investments, a wife often compensates it by keeping a high balance in FDIC-insured bank accounts, which provide safety but little or no return. This allows her to sleep at night and avoid arguments.
While it may work for some couples, this strategy may cost couples loss of opportunities in the end. If they invest $100,000 in a super-safe bank account earning 0.5%, rather than a conservative balanced index fund that may have earned 3.5%, they would have passed up 3% per year in earnings for each year the funds are invested.
On a $100,000 account, that’s $3,000 a year, and $30,000 over 10 years (not including reinvested dividends and capital gains.)
On the other hand, husband’s high-risk investing strategy may lead to significant loss of family wealth that he is trying to build by taking higher risk.
I believe, there are better ways to managing money as a couple than fighting over it or avoiding talking about money. Here are a few tips to get couples started on the road to creating wealth together:
Communicate
I believe in candid and transparent communication in the relationship. Have a candid ‘money talk’, be open about your concerns, and share your preferences when it comes to investing ideas. Don’t avoid ‘difficult conversations’ – find a way to have them in a constructive and respective way.
Work through your financial conflicts (rather than fighting about them or avoiding them altogether). If this seems daunting, you may consider talking to a financial planner, even if you are a do-it-yourself investor. If you can’t seem to work through financial arguments and have very different risk tolerance with your partner, get independent help to work through your differences and overcome communications’ challenges.
Set financial goals as a couple
Determine the return you’ll need to get on your investment in order to meet your financial goals. You may not need to take on additional risk to reach your financial goals. Calculate your annual lifestyle spending to determine what your rate of return on your investments needs to be, based on the amount you are currently saving. Don’t take more risk than you need, however, don’t be overly conservative either. Your investment returns must be adequate to meet your goals.
Set goals as a couple and develop investment strategies around those goals. For example, are you going to invest in the stock market? Rental real estate? In your growing business? If so, what percentage of your total assets you want to invest in each asset allocation?
If one of you wants to trade or invest in high-risk investments, limit the amount you allocate into high-risk investments and integrate these investments into your overall plan.
Compromise
I like to remind women that they should “pick their battles.” While some things are definitely worth fighting for, some things aren’t worth the argument. Your financial future is definitely worth fighting for.
When you have a “money talk”, listen to your partner, really hear his point of view when it comes to investing family money, and see if there is a way to find a common ground. Willingness to compromise is important for the healthy relationship. However, never compromise on your core values in life.
For example, if Freedom is your core value and you feel that your current employment is totally draining your energy and health, although paying you a very good salary, leap your way out of this situation even if your partner feels it’s wrong for your family finances.
When you force yourself to do something that you utterly resist, you compromise on something that is deeply important to you and can make yourself seek. Money is important, but your health and vitality are more important than money.
Dream together
Your money talks don’t need to be only about bills you have coming up and debt you need to repay. These conversations do need to take place, of course. But you can also share your aspirations that require you to save and grow you money – maybe a new house, or a trip, or a business that you’re passionate about. Whatever it may be – dreaming together, having common goals will help you get closer and inspire you as a couple to work toward your goals.
Do the “Five-Year Exercise.” If you only had five years to live, what would you like to do, have or experience?
Don’t overthink or censor yourself. Just start writing it down. If you are married or in a relationship, each of you should write your lists separately. Then, as a couple, choose what you’d like to do, have or experience, both together and individually. It’s hard to fight or argue about money when you are working together toward important goals. Don’t give up on your dreams!
Become Financially Empowered
Invest in yourself – let go of your inner blocks, become equipped with knowledge about strategic investing.Although having a MBA in finance might be nice, you don’t need it to be financially successful. Having a solid base of financial knowledge will take you a long way. Couples who both understand financial fundamentals, can make better financial decisions, especially when they make them together.
Besides, it’s quite likely that at some point you may be 100% responsible for your own investment and money decisions. Now is the time to upgrade your skills and knowledge about savvy money management and investing.
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” ~ Mae West
Money is notoriously known to be one of the main causes of frustration, arguments, breakups and divorces in personal relationships. And what’s remarkable is that similar ‘external circumstances’ – financial hardships due to loss of job, or bad investment decision, or health challenges – lead to different outcomes for different couples.
While some relationships become stronger and bring partners even closer together, others get fractured, often irreparably. As always, money simply magnifies the inner dynamics that already exist in the relationship….
I quite often come across couples where one spouse accumulates a significant credit card debt and tries to hide it from her/his partner in fear of being judged. Or situations when a housewife, who doesn’t have her own bank account, has to ask for permission of her partner to buy something for herself…. Or when one partner acts recklessly with the family money (e.g. makes risky investments, spends uncontrollably, gambles, etc.) and her/his partner is left to deal with the consequences.
Another real life situation: one partner asks for a prenuptial agreement because of disparity in financial situations prior to marriage. For many people request for prenuptial agreement feels wrong or inappropriate. Yet, in my opinion, it is a very reasonable and appropriate request, and it doesn’t mean that s/he doesn’t love you.
When it comes to money, whether it’s business or intimate relationship, clarity and transparency always save you stress and headache down the road. Yes, transparency in partners’ communication, especially about money, is paramount – it can help avoid disappointments, unpleasant surprises, and hurt.
If you are together with another person, it means you’ve agreed to share your good times and not so good times…. You’ve agreed, as a minimum, to be honest, transparent, and fair. Don’t keep your feelings inside – speak to your partner about your concerns, make him/her know how his/her actions make you feel.
It doesn’t help hiding your feelings inside or assuming that your partner acts in a certain way around money. Ask questions, Address your concerns without fear or hesitation. However, find a way to state you concerns without judgements or blame.
Money is one of those ‘things’ that can be used to improve, expand, and create loving and supportive union of two people or become a source of frustration, disappointment and fear.
When all or most of your conversations around money are focused on how many bills you have to pay, how much debt you’ve accumulated on your credit card, how much money you lost in your investments – money becomes a symbol of problems and struggles.
Instead, money can be used as a tool to create true experience of oneness and connection with your partner. Start creating a vision of your dream life together – for instance, a dream vacation, and a dream car, and a dream house you’d like have.
When money becomes a vehicle of experiencing something pleasant, highly desirable and wanted by both partners, it creates a significant positive shift in the relationship. It makes both partners feel good about building the dream life TOGETHER.
You become motivated about creating a joyful, abundant and fulfilling life TOGETHER. You feel that you and your partner are a team in your pursuit of a better life. There is no fear, no judgment, and no blame…just two people dreaming together and creating something that they both desire and are excited about.
So, here are my 3 simple tips how to use money to improve your personal relationship:
“Talk money” to your partner often. Know what his/her desires, dreams or concerns are. Be proactive with any concerns, look for solutions together.
Be transparent with your partner about money concerns or challenges. It doesn’t help hiding or keeping your feelings inside or assuming that your partner acts in a certain way around money. Ask questions. Address your concerns assertively yet lovingly. Express your feelings in a way that makes him/her feel respected, not judged.
Dream together! It’s easier to create a beautiful dream when both partners are excited about it, and focused on creating it together, as a team. Inspire and support each other as you work your way toward creating a beautiful life together. This experience will transform your relationship and your life.
What resonated with you in this article? What did not?
You can also watch a video I recorded for you:
Comment about your own life lessons about money and relationships….
