Dare to Change Life Coaching & Mentoring

Tag: money and relationships

  • MINE, YOURS, and OURS: 3 Simple Guidelines for sharing Financial Responsibilities as a Couple

    MINE, YOURS, and OURS: 3 Simple Guidelines for sharing Financial Responsibilities as a Couple

    Different couples have different dynamics – emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial.

    So, there is absolutely NO “one advice fits ALL” that can be applied to how people should manage their finances as a couple.

    With this being said, I’d like to share with you today my observations from my clients’ stories as well as my own experience and let you decide what makes sense and what can work for you.

    So, here’re 3 Simple Guidelines for Sharing Financial Responsibilities as a Couple:

    1. JOINT OR INDIVIDUAL ACCOUNTS?

    For many couples, having all money together is a preferred way of managing money. They have only joint accounts and pay all the expenses, allocate savings and investments from the joint accounts. If this is your situation and both of you’re happy with it – great.

    However, keeping all money together doesn’t work for all couples, especially when it’s a second or third marriage… So, how can you handle your finances if you want to maintain some level of financial independence in your relationship?

    In two-income situation in a relationship, the easiest setup is to have individual accounts, where both partners maintain their own assets, AND have joint account(s) where both partners contribute to in order to pay shared expenses.

    It’s the least complicated way to share the financial responsibilities of the day-to-day expenses while maintaining a level of financial independence in your relationship.

    From observing my clients over the years and from my personal experience in the first and second marriage, having both, individual and joint accounts, works well for most couples.

    And I believe it works well because it takes away some of the control issues that tend to be associated with how OUR money is used.

    However, the most important factor here is Trust and Transparency.

    Because having joint account(s) requires transparency, trust and mutual commitment toward common goals.

    Also, please don’t forget that while you have separate bank and brokerage accounts, you’ve got to have each other names listed as beneficiaries.

    If you live in a house that was purchased by one of the partners prior to being in a committed relationship, you can create a trust document and spell out what will happen if you die or break up.

    If you rent or purchase the home together, both partners should be listed on the lease or deed to the house. This will increase a sense of joint financial commitment and help avoid “my house” or “your apartment” language.

    2. WHAT IF ONE PARTNER MAKES MORE?

    So, if you choose to have individual accounts as well as joint accounts, the way each of you contribute to the joint accounts must be discussed and agreed upon, so you both feel content with this arrangement.

    So, what contribution arrangements work best?

    Most likely, you and your partner earn different salaries. So what would be a “fair” contribution to your joint accounts?

    I would say definitely not equal contributions, not 50/50.

    You can either decide:

    1. Who pays for what. For example, one partner pays for the mortgage and taxes, another pays the utilities, food, cloth, transportation, etc.

    OR

    2. Contribute proportionally to your individual income. For example, if you make $40,000 and your partner makes $60,000, then you should pay 40 percent toward the shared expenses and your partner 60 percent. For instance, if the rent is $2,000, you’ll pay $800 and your partner will contribute $1,200.

    To simplify this, you and your partner can set up a direct deposit from your individual accounts to the shared joint account for your agreed contribution amounts.

    If you choose to go this route, make sure you adjust the contribution amounts if you have any changes in your life; for example, one partner starts making more money or one of the partners loses a job or is on maternity leave, etc.

    Be ready to adapt to changes and keep some money in reserve in joint and your individual accounts to cover any unexpected expenses or to make investments.

    3. DECIDING WHO PAYS FOR WHAT?

    In the simplest terms, your money conversation can start with questions like these:

    – What are our shared expenses? The mortgage/rent, utilities, internet, food, etc.

    – How do we handle individual outstanding debt (e.g. student loan payments, car loan payments, individual credit card debt)?

    Obviously, these would be individual decisions for different couples, but talking about these matters will help find solutions.

    You can choose to offer to help your partner pay off outstanding debt and make him feel free sooner by creating a shared financial goal. This will likely create an additional bond in your relationship.

    Or you may offer to take on a larger percentage of the household expenses, therefore, freeing your partner to tackle her debt payments.

    Or, if your partner insists on paying his bills by himself, you can offer to pay for fun activities (e.g. dinners out, concerts, vacations, etc.) from your individual account.

    These conversations need to happen and all the money matters need to be openly discussed so you don’t have taboo topics in your life as a couple.

    If you want more resources on various financial topics, sign up for my YouTube channel:  Millen Livis Wealth Channel

    And for additional support, I invite you to join my Wealth Building for Powerful Women Facebook group.

    To your Health, Wealth, and Freedom!

  • What Really Matters in Life and How to Write Your Dreams into Existence

    What Really Matters in Life and How to Write Your Dreams into Existence

    I am fortunate to live very close to the ocean and a small lake. As part of my daily self-care routine, I love taking walks on the beach or around the lake every morning.

    These walks have become my walking meditation practice.

    I like to pay attention to and appreciate simple things: birds having a tribe gathering, children playing in the sand, people jogging and walking, and seeing footprints get washed away by the rhythmic movements of the ocean waves.

    During one of my walks, my mind zoomed in on the washed footprints on the sand, and I thought: That is a symbolic image of our lives.

    We, too, leave a footprint as a proof of our existence on the physical plane. Then one day our “footprint” will be erased in an instant and we’ll return back to our Divine Source.

    Suddenly, the brevity of our existence struck my awareness.

    I realized that all the worries and struggles, fears and pains, physical possessions, and material achievements that we identify with are not our identity but simply passing experiences along our journey.

    Then what remains?

    What is lasting?

    Love, grace, kindness, and joyful memories you share with others are the legacy that you can leave behind one day.

    If you are like me – ambitious and constantly driven by new and exciting ideas and projects – you are motivated by the desire to authentically serve others with your talents and skills.

    In my case, this passion and drive helped me achieve freedom and independence, and I am infinitely grateful for my life.

    Yet I often push myself and multitask to the point of exhaustion.

    I get caught up in busyness, which is a self-created illusion, and overlook the real priorities.

    In the instant that I was watching the footprints get washed away, however, I felt that I truly want to refocus on what really matters in life, especially in the midst of busyness.

    I want to focus on what makes me feel good: love, joy, grace, deep connections, and inner peace. And from THAT place, I will create my training masterpieces and make a bigger impact in the world.

    Today I want to share with you a fun exercise I like to do to plan an extraordinary year and invite you to try it too.

    Create a list of

    1. Your wins – all the successful outcomes or efforts, whether tangible or immaterial. This will help you focus on your successes and expand on them.
    2. Your pains – habits, beliefs, people and experiences that I want to leave behind. Create this list, then burn it as a symbol of releasing this energy from your life.
    3. Your lessons – feedback, experiences, people and beliefs that I want to expand and bring over to the next year. We tend to repeat the lessons that we haven’t learned. Awareness of these lessons will help you get to desired goals faster.
    4. Your goals – what do you want to FEEL and EXPERIENCE, CREATE, GIVE and RECEIVE. Clarity about your desires will help your subconscious to zoom in on your goals and manifest them.

    Take some time for yourself and write your dreams into existence!

    Have a magical New Year!

    Until then… STAY IN YOUR POWER!

     

     

    Millen

    P.S. To start pre-paving your way to Wealth and Financial Freedom, make sure to download your FREE Wealth Planner HERE 

     

  • 5 Tips on How Couples Can Deal with Differences around Money and Investing

    5 Tips on How Couples Can Deal with Differences around Money and Investing

    Do you fight with your partner every time you talk about money?

    Or do you have open, candid “money conversations” with your partner?

    Or do you avoid talking about money with your partner so you can avoid fights and frustration?

    Research has shown that couples that avoid fights about money, often end up having less wealth and not being prepared for a successful retirement.

    No one wants to fight, of course. Howevere, money is the #1 thing couples argue about. And you probably heard that fighting about money is often an early predictor of divorce.

    So, why would couples get sucked in into the argument about money when it causes so much stress, tension, and destruction?

    While nobody wants conflict, avoiding communicating and working through disagreements with your partner can hurt the relationship and put your future financial security at risk.

    I’ve met many women who shared their frustration about not being able to “talk money” with their partner in a constructive and candid way.

    “I love my husband and don’t want to get into big arguments over money. So, I stopped talking about money with him all together. And now I have my secret money accounts.”

    “I was sick of fighting about money. Now we both avoid these conversations.”

    “We can’t ever agree when it comes to investing. He does his thing and I do mine.”

    While many couples default to “not talking about money”, this solution usually comes back to haunt them.

    Here’s why.

    Men in a couple tend to have higher confidence and higher appetite for risk than women.

    Because men usually have more risky investments and higher balance, women tend to keep substantial amount of cash in case of  emergencies.  In other words, to balance her husband’s high-risk investments, a wife often compensates it by keeping a high balance in FDIC-insured bank accounts, which provide safety but little or no return. This allows her to sleep at night and avoid arguments.

    While it may work for some couples, this strategy may cost couples loss of opportunities in the end. If they invest $100,000 in a super-safe bank account earning 0.5%, rather than a conservative balanced index fund that may have earned 3.5%, they would have passed up 3% per year in earnings for each year the funds are invested.

    On a $100,000 account, that’s $3,000 a year, and $30,000 over 10 years (not including reinvested dividends and capital gains.)

    On the other hand, husband’s high-risk investing strategy may lead to significant loss of family wealth that he is trying to build by taking higher risk.

    I believe, there are better ways to managing money as a couple than fighting over it or avoiding talking about money. Here are a few tips to get couples started on the road to creating wealth together:

    1.  Communicate

    I believe in candid and transparent communication in the relationship. Have a candid ‘money talk’, be open about your concerns, and share your preferences when it comes to investing ideas. Don’t avoid ‘difficult conversations’ – find a way to have them in a constructive and respective way.

    Work through your financial conflicts (rather than fighting about them or avoiding them altogether). If this seems daunting, you may consider talking to a financial planner, even if you are a do-it-yourself investor. If you can’t seem to work through financial arguments and have very different risk tolerance with your partner, get independent help to work through your differences and overcome communications’ challenges.

    1.  Set financial goals as a couple

    Determine the return you’ll need to get on your investment in order to meet your financial goals. You may not need to take on additional risk to reach your financial goals. Calculate your annual lifestyle spending to determine what your rate of return on your investments needs to be, based on the amount you are currently saving. Don’t take more risk than you need, however, don’t be overly conservative either. Your investment returns must be adequate to meet your goals.

    Set goals as a couple and develop investment strategies around those goals. For example, are you going to invest in the stock market?  Rental real estate? In your growing business? If so, what percentage of your total assets you want to invest in each asset allocation?

    If one of you wants to trade or invest in high-risk investments, limit the amount you allocate into high-risk investments and integrate these investments into your overall plan.

    1.  Compromise

    I like to remind women that they should “pick their battles.” While some things are definitely worth fighting for, some things aren’t worth the argument. Your financial future is definitely worth fighting for.

    When you have a “money talk”, listen to your partner, really hear his point of view when it comes to investing family money, and see if there is a way to find a common ground. Willingness to compromise is important for the healthy relationship. However, never compromise on your core values in life.

    For example, if Freedom is your core value and you feel that your current employment is totally draining your energy and health, although paying you a very good salary, leap your way out of this situation even if your partner feels it’s wrong for your family finances.

    When you force yourself to do something that you utterly resist, you compromise on something that is deeply important to you and can make yourself seek.  Money is important, but your health and vitality are more important than money.

    1.  Dream together

    Your money talks don’t need to be only about bills you have coming up and debt you need to repay. These conversations do need to take place, of course. But you can also share your aspirations that require you to save and grow you money – maybe a new house, or a trip, or a business that you’re passionate about. Whatever it may be – dreaming together, having common goals will help you get closer and inspire you as a couple to work toward your goals.

    Do the “Five-Year Exercise.” If you only had five years to live, what would you like to do, have or experience?

    Don’t overthink or censor yourself. Just start writing it down. If you are married or in a relationship, each of you should write your lists separately. Then, as a couple, choose what you’d like to do, have or experience, both together and individually. It’s hard to fight or argue about money when you are working together toward important goals. Don’t give up on your dreams!

    1.  Become Financially Empowered

    Invest in yourself – let go of your inner blocks, become equipped with knowledge about strategic investing. Although having a MBA in finance might be nice, you don’t need it to be financially successful. Having a solid base of financial knowledge will take you a long way. Couples who both understand financial fundamentals, can make better financial decisions, especially when they make them together.

    Besides, it’s quite likely that at some point you may be 100% responsible for your own investment and money decisions. Now is the time to upgrade your skills and knowledge about savvy money management and investing.

    To Your Health, Wealth and Freedom!

    Millen

    p.s. Download my wealth building tips-packed book “A Shift Toward Abundance” HERE

     

  • Money and Personal Relationships: 3 Simple Tips on How to Make It Better

    Money and Personal Relationships: 3 Simple Tips on How to Make It Better

    “Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” ~ Mae West

    Money is notoriously known to be one of the main causes of frustration, arguments, breakups and divorces in personal relationships. And what’s remarkable is that similar ‘external circumstances’ – financial hardships due to loss of job, or bad investment decision, or health challenges – lead to different outcomes for different couples.

    While some relationships become stronger and bring partners even closer together, others get fractured, often irreparably. As always, money simply magnifies the inner dynamics that already exist in the relationship….

    I quite often come across couples where one spouse accumulates a significant credit card debt and tries to hide it from her/his partner in fear of being judged. Or situations when a housewife, who doesn’t have her own bank account, has to ask for permission of her partner to buy something for herself…. Or when one partner acts recklessly with the family money (e.g. makes risky investments, spends uncontrollably, gambles, etc.) and her/his partner is left to deal with the consequences.

    Another real life situation: one partner asks for a prenuptial agreement because of disparity in financial situations prior to marriage. For many people request for prenuptial agreement feels wrong or inappropriate. Yet, in my opinion, it is a very reasonable and appropriate request, and it doesn’t mean that s/he doesn’t love you.

    When it comes to money, whether it’s business or intimate relationship, clarity and transparency always save you stress and headache down the road. Yes, transparency in partners’ communication, especially about money, is paramount – it can help avoid disappointments, unpleasant surprises, and hurt.

    If you are together with another person, it means you’ve agreed to share your good times and not so good times…. You’ve agreed, as a minimum, to be honest, transparent, and fair. Don’t keep your feelings inside – speak to your partner about your concerns, make him/her know how his/her actions make you feel.

    It doesn’t help hiding your feelings inside or assuming that your partner acts in a certain way around money. Ask questions, Address your concerns without fear or hesitation. However, find a way to state you concerns without judgements or blame.

    Money is one of those ‘things’ that can be used to improve, expand, and create loving and supportive union of two people or become a source of frustration, disappointment and fear.

    When all or most of your conversations around money are focused on how many bills you have to pay, how much debt you’ve accumulated on your credit card, how much money you lost in your investments – money becomes a symbol of problems and struggles.

    Instead, money can be used as a tool to create true experience of oneness and connection with your partner. Start creating a vision of your dream life together – for instance, a dream vacation, and a dream car, and a dream house you’d like have.

    When money becomes a vehicle of experiencing something pleasant, highly desirable and wanted by both partners, it creates a significant positive shift in the relationship. It makes both partners feel good about building the dream life TOGETHER.

    You become motivated about creating a joyful, abundant and fulfilling life TOGETHER. You feel that you and your partner are a team in your pursuit of a better life. There is no fear, no judgment, and no blame…just two people dreaming together and creating something that they both desire and are excited about.

    So, here are my 3 simple tips how to use money to improve your personal relationship:

    1. “Talk money” to your partner often. Know what his/her desires, dreams or concerns are. Be proactive with any concerns, look for solutions together.
    2. Be transparent with your partner about money concerns or challenges. It doesn’t help hiding or keeping your feelings inside or assuming that your partner acts in a certain way around money. Ask questions. Address your concerns assertively yet lovingly. Express your feelings in a way that makes him/her feel respected, not judged.
    3. Dream together! It’s easier to create a beautiful dream when both partners are excited about it, and focused on creating it together, as a team. Inspire and support each other as you work your way toward creating a beautiful life together. This experience will transform your relationship and your life.

    What resonated with you in this article? What did not?

    You can also watch a video I recorded for you:

    Comment about your own life lessons about money and relationships….

    And join my private community “Wealth Building for Powerful Women”!

    Until then… stay empowered!

    Millen Livis

    Wealth Architect & Financial Empowerment Mentor